what i worked in december

12/4- 6:45am-6:45pm = 12hrs

12/5- 7am-6pm= 11hrs

12/6 7:30am-4pm= 8.5hrs

12/7- 7:30am-8pm= 12.5hrs

12/8- 8:15am- 4:15pm= 8hrs

12/9- 10am-3:45pm= 5.75hrs

End of week = 57.75hrs

12/10- 9am-8pm= 11hrs

12/11- 6:30am- 7pm= 12.5hrs

12/12- 8:15am-12:30am= 16.25hrs

12/13 8am-8pm= 12hrs

12/14- 8am-12:30am= 16.5hrs

12/15- 8am-8pm= 12hrs

12/16- 7am-7pm= 12hrs

End of week = 92.25hrs

12/17- 9am-4:45am= 19.75hrs

12/18- 9:30am-12am= 14.5hrs

12/19- 9:30am-7:45am= 22.25hrs

12/20- 8:45am-4pm= 7.25hrs (took a nap in my chair from 7:45-8:45 which is why you see a break of only 1 hour)

12/21- 9:15am-4pm= 6.75hrs

12/22- 7:15am-7pm= 12.25hrs

End of week = 82.75hrs

For my check that covered Dec 1-15, I had over 71 hours of overtime. Crazy, huh?

two things up for discussion

One is the amount of hours I have put in at work.
Sunday I was in at 9am. I planned on going in at 7am, but I just could not crawl out of bed. I stayed until 4:45am on Monday. I only had time for one 30-min break in which I only ate a few pieces of a $20 pizza from Campisi's. I am so sad it was wasted. So, I put in almost 20 hrs in my first day of this week.
After I finally left at Monday at 5am since I got to fight our email server for 15 minutes and got home at 5:20am. I know I was asleep by 5:30, but I was up at 8am and back into work at 9:15 and stayed until midnight.
I have put in just about 35 hours in only two days. My poor body.

I will be in around 9am again today and looks like I will stay until midnight once again. Hopefully, come Wednesday (and everyday thereafter), I will be there less than 12 hours each day.

In other more funny news, I earned a new nickname. Monkey Knuckles! What do you think? I just don't know if it is two words, hyphenated (did I spell that right?), or just one word. All I know is my back hurts, I am starving, I've lost 10 lbs, my apt is a mess, I have no food, I am almost out of clean clothes, I am exhausted, and my brain is MIA.
Pray for Mojo.

uneventful 100th post, and here's why

I had to figure out my hours yesterday at work.
This week alone I will have worked 92+ hours, but today goes towards the next payperiod. With that in mind, since Dec 1, I have earned over 71 hours in just overtime while having only Sunday, Dec 3, off. I have worked a total of 152 hours since Dec 1 through yesterday. The majority of my days are of the 12-hour variety with a couple of 16-hour ones thrown in for good measure.
It's 5:40am right now, so I must start getting ready for even more work as I will put in a minimum of 12 hours again today. I am not sure how many I will work tomorrow, but it will once again be a minimum of 12 hours.
Oh yeah, and if I survive through the end of December, there is a huge chance I will have transferred over one-quarter of a million feet of film for just November & December alone. That'd be quite a feat- if I live to tell about it.

I still have not finished my wrapping. There is a gift that still sits on my floor 1/2-way wrapped. I think there is dust on my presents I have bought others, which will probably not make it to their destination for Christmas Day. My apt still looks like Sanford & Son live here. My fridge is empty. I've lost 10 pounds, maybe more. Of course, my back hurts. I have missed church the past two weeks and I will miss it once again tomorrow. I need to get groceries and do laundry tonight. I really don't remember much of anything this month. I can't tell you when the last time was I turned on my TV to watch anything. My poor fish tank needs cleaning. I discovered my fish had another bunch of babies only cos I have seen one that is only 2 or 3 weeks old. My shrimp still haven't hatched their eggs, but the eggs have changed color from sorta clear to orange-ish. As much as no one wants it, I need another me around here. Oh yeah, and I may have to end up working Christmas Eve. At least I will have Christmas Day off, right?
Catch y'all later...

my 99th post...

I am going to try & do something for my 100th post, if I don't forget.

In other news, my shrimp are going to have babies. I had two different brood of fish in October. The first batch, I saved at least 11 of them. The second batch, I let nature take it's course, and 3 survived.
Now, I have a shrimp that has eggs all under her tail and I am sure they will hatch anyday now. What's so cool is I read it is very difficult to get shrimp to reproduce in a home aquarium like mine, but apparently I am doing something right or else things wouldn't be going the way they are going. I am excited, but at the same time I know that 99% of them probably won't survive since it will take forever for them to grow large enough to not be eaten by my swordtails.
Crush is doing fine. Her shell is now bigger than the palm of my hand. I will try & take a pic of her as I have now had her for almost two years.

Work is going great. I am still working crazy hours, with the exception of yesterday. I left around 4:15 yesterday. It was weird seeing the sun outside of my office. I did not quite know what to do yesterday, so I went to the pet store, got some water conditioner for Crush and changed out her water.

I guess that's really about it. I cannot think of anything else of importance, even though what I just wrote is of no real importance to anyone but myself.


I was thinking, I guess I don't remember the Corn Crackos cos maybe they just weren't in this market, or any market I live in? I know some parts of the country has stuff we don't have and vice-versa.

I hope everyone has a great rest of the week and weekend.
Take care,
Captain Cool (me)

Only a very few select people will get the "Captain Cool (me)" reference...

more craziness

I remember these from way back when. But, Mom never let us have Cookie Crisp, and I look back now and am thankful. Those just seems gross.








What I don't remember is Corn Crackos. Must have been before my time.

for fun

Those were some tasty candy bars. I wish I had a girlfriend who could go to the store for me today to get me some groceries. After working so much, I just don't want to. Period. But, I am sure she'd dump me lickity-split since I really don't have any time for one right now. That's twisted, just like that candy bar...

repetitiveness is my job

I was supposed to go celebrate a very close friend of mine's 35th bday (her husband rented a limo for everyone). I think she turns 35. Anyway, I stayed late Friday working 6:30am-9pm to help make me getting to her celebration a possibility. Coupled with the fact that I had decided to go in Sunday, I had it all planned out. Well, as it turned out the VHS tape had a flaw in it, so all my hard work went for naught and I might as well have not worked late Friday.
About 1hr and 41mins into said tape, I noticed a huge glitch in the playback. Great. Now, I had to redo that entire tape since I could not confirm that there was not any other glitches in it. I had just happened to have that catch my eye while I was running the other part of this 5,555 foot project for someone out of state. Being the honest person I try to be, I just could not turn a blind eye to it. I knew it existed. I saw it happen. I could not, in good conscience, give that back to our customer. It would have eaten me alive and I would have felt like crap. So, I called her up immediately and gave her the bad news. I felt awful. But, she was very understanding & knows what my job demands of me.
I worked yesterday from 9:30am-9:30pm getting that order fixed and completed so I would not be behind when I go in today immediately after church. If it were not for being closed Thursday, I would be working from Monday (11/20) through Friday (12/1)- at least 12 straight days. I may have to also end up working Sat (12/2). My office is now my home-away-from-home.
Please do not get me wrong. I am not complaining in the least. I know working all this overtime comes at a cost, but the paychecks are nice to receive. I hate that I become difficult to spend time with, but that is the nature of my business and everyone who knows me knows that this time of year, and the beginning of the new year, are when I am at my busiest and work takes up the majority of my life. It wasn't as bad last year, but this time around I am going solo. It is just me running things as I have no assistant. I was about to, but plans fell through on that. All I ask is everyone be patient with me and understand that this is the way things are, and will be for the next 10 weeks or so. I will have Christmas Day off and that is all I can guarantee. I cannot even guarantee I will not be in the office come New Year's Day. It's all gonna depend on how things go and how many days a week I work. I can already tell you this- this week and next week, I may have Sunday, Dec 3rd off.

last-minute decision

I have just whipped this up. I will celebrate my birthday when November 31st exists. Until then, I will not acknowledge any existance of my birthday. In fact, I am not even going to say when it is. I can tell you this, it is not the 30th. Let's just clear that up right now. It is towards the end of the month and that's all I am saying about that.
It seems I will be 35 for quite some time to come... seeing as how I will not turn 36 this year, or any year for that matter.

i'm trying

I hope everyone enjoyed celebrating Thanksgiving. I know I did. It was nice & relaxing.
But, then Friday came. For those of you who had a 4-day weekend- kudos to you. Mmm... Kudos...
I worked 6:30am-9pm. Luckily, I do not work in retail, so it was a fine day for me. I am going back to work in a couple of hours and depending on how much I get done today will dictate how many hours I work tomorrow.
This coming week is going to be c-r-a-z-y overtime once again. Yes, I am talking the 30-variety overtime hours like I did last week. This week I won't have that many hours since Thursday was holiday pay, but I will have some overtime. If I calculated correctly, I broke into overtime last night by maybe 1/2 an hour. So, today will all be overtime and tomorrow will count towards next week's hours which probably means by Wednesday I will be into overtime. That will make Thursday & Friday that much sweeter.
It looks like I will not be stepping foot back into the fitness center until late-Jan or early-Feb. Gym? What's a gym? Oooh, a gym. Bye-bye 150 lbs :(

Remember back in grade school? This holds true for us in the late-1970's. I remember how important it was to get the Crayons with the built-in sharpener. One always felt so out of place if you got the one that had only 48 Crayons. Heaven help the child that got the 16-count box. Shunned to the circle of children who had that amount, or less. See? It all started with the box of Crayons and then went downhill from there. Way back in 1st Grade- if you didn't have the 64 Crayons, then you were the scum of the 1st Grade. "Bah! We don't want your kind here!" I mean, it's not like those children dressed poor or anything like that. It was weird. But damn if you had to have that massive amount of colors that you never ended up using all of anyway. And with that I give you...

I don't know how it has been since, but this was the beginning of the end for many children's social life. Once it was public knowledge (was that after recess?) that you did not have the big box, then it was near impossible to recover until you hit a higher grade, like say around 4th. But, bringing cool lunches in those metal Star Wars lunchboxes sure did help, especially when you brought enough to share some cool Little Debbie's. Mmm... Swiss Cake Rolls... and Zebra Cakes... aaaahhhhhhh....

few & far between

is what my posts will be from here on out. It is indeed crunchtime for your author. I am in the mix of my busy season. I just cranked out 61 hours last week with 9 of those hours coming by way of me working Saturday. Yep, I had just one day "off" and that was Sunday in which I tried to do all my things I needed/wanted to do, but that didn't happen.
I worked 8am-8:15pm yesterday and today I will be at work from 8am-10pm due to a company mandatory meeting from 7pm-10pm. I have a presentation I have to prepare for as well and have I had time to prepare for that? Nope. Half of it is something that "would be nice to have for this fall", but was later decided upon (without giving me prior notice) in a mass email sent out that I would be doing this for this meeting. Yes, this was when I learned of the change of plans without having consulted me first. So, now I have to spend probably close to 2 hours getting my information together and get it ready to distribute to all the other stores. No, I am not thrilled about having this sprung on me without having asked me first, but I will try to find time to do it.
I am hoping that after working another 12 hour day on Wednesday that I will be able to cut back to 10 hours on Thursday and Friday, but we'll see. I should be able to, but I am not going to promise anything at this point.
The huge orders just keep coming in, too. Got another one that is estimated at being over 7,000'. If the last part of October & this first part of November are indicative of what is to come for the rest of the year and January, then I should be dead first quarter of '07.

Cheers!


At my funeral service, this will be the portrait for all to see. Monkeys have been know to be dressed like this for entertainment purposes. There's no tears at my funeral, except from laughing...


*disclaimer: the above pic was PS'd by a girl named Ashley. Here's the original. I don't want people thinking I actually dressed up like that...

but, I don't mind them knowing this is how I acted on vacation earlier this year after scoring a point in ping-pong with other strangers in the same room playing pool. Whoopidy-dooo!

it's crunch time!

lack of posts

Is primarily due to work. I have been abnormally swamped these past 3 weeks. I guess more people know about the turnaround on projects I work on and I have had much larger orders to complete than usual. Of those 3 weeks, two I have worked overtime and there will be plenty of more weeks ahead that I will be working overtime & I will gladly take it eventhough I will have to sacrifice sleep & working out. And, I worked 8am-7:15pm last night, then had to get some groceries. Read: not what I normally would have gotten. By the time I got home it was 8:30. I am getting ready to go in early this morning- going to try & be there by 7. Hopefully I won't work too much past 4, but the verdict is still out. I have one job that is 17,900' of 16mm and 1,250 of 8mm. Yes, one job. This is the largest one I have had to tackle. Prior to this, the largest I have ever done is 14,000+ feet. It will roughly be somewhere in the neighborhood of 9 hours of viewing time for the 16mm and a little over an hour for the 8mm. This will probably take me a solid 2 days to complete the transfer to MiniDV. After that, the store it is going to will transfer it to VHS for the client to view for editing purposes. I got so much done yesterday that I am hoping to have left me in a great position to have everything done Friday so that it can be taken out to the store that day.

happy halloween, muuu-ahahahahah!

I never tried Boo Berry...





...nor Fruit Brute

Weird

Funny how they thought this character sucked the least in the meeting. It's like a jack-o-lantern, except it's an apple. So it's really not like a pumpkin afterall...
I wonder if it's made of wood.

my truck

After work Friday, I dropped my truck off and had some things looked at for preventive maintenance- hoses, belt, fuel injectors, coolant... They said that all the hoses are in great shape & no need to replace anytime soon. So, I had the coolant flushed, fuel injectors cleaned, a tune-up (new plugs, wires, etc...), and the belt changed (it was starting to fray & there was a very small chip on one of the grooves.
Also, the Wednesday prior I went to Sears and had a Die-Hard dropped in. I had not noticed anything wrong with the previous battery, but since it is almost 3 yrs old I figured I better before it becomes a problem and there is no better battery than a Die-Hard.
Next, I will start preparing for a water pump. I have no idea when that might break down, but I better have some saved up for if it happens since I know they are not cheap.
Feels so good getting stuff like that done before it becomes a major issue!
I'd also like to get bigger wheels & tires for it since the 14" just don't cut it & I have the largest tires on it I can due to the stock size wheels.

deep thoughts

I just ran across these:

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."

When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.

As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!!

Too bad you can't buy a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin real fast and freak everybody out.

I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.

more wholesome goodness

suggestions on keeping a woman

I took notes from a friend of mine who is very successful in the romance dept. on day. I then confirmed them with the girl he was with and she very fearfully said they are all true:
1. When she asks how she looks shrug and say "could be better," this will keep her on her toes and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. this can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. Or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping.
If she is say you better be, repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning.
This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal
improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them, because jewelry is for pussies and asian ladies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking.
When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words fuck you and grab the other girls ass. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she
thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning
tireyard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just
kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because I can."

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair, play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when she's cold...and not by giving her your jacket... then you might get cold. rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to be bitching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. Like basketball.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she'll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order interrupt and say no she's not hungry. Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm talking about.

21. When its raining keep asking her if she's crying. She'll say no its just the rain ten minutes later turn to her and just scream at her to stop crying you fucking baby. Girls like a tough man as I've already stated.

22. Titty twisters and plenty of them.

23. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell
her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.

24. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

25. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just when ever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. girls actually don't like this one that much but I think it's funny.

26. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will
promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This
will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really
excited. Now don't call.

wholesome goodness

Can you see a theme? Also, I am trying to put them in order from oldest to "newest" under each name. For example; under Alpha-Bits I am putting the oldest box first, then the "most recent" last. Get it? But, I won't be putting anything in here that might dip into the 90's. That's just too recent.

mmm... breakfast cereal

Here's some classic goodness. "Classic" being prior to my existance-

just for laughs-

freeesh

I remember having a dispenser stuck on the tile wall in the bathroom for me & my little sister to use. The cups had a wax coating so they would not soak up any liquid. Such good memories. The designs are so gross, yet so cool.

ahhh, when stuff tasted better

I have tasted a Ding Dong circa 1990-2000's and they are awful. In no way do they taste remotely near as good as they did way back when. The filling is horrible. And what's up with the plastic wrapper? Gotta be in foil. Those who are in their early-20's probably were never old enough to remember, let alone eat Ding Dongs of yore. The chemicals they used back then were probably worse for us, but tasted so much better. Thanks FDA.

Wonderful Waterful Fishful Game by Tomy

There was this toy and a few others. I distinctly remember having one that was a basketball game that had two buttons for two people, or you could use both hands if you had no siblings or friends to play with.
What one would do is fill it up with water and mash the button. The force of the H2O would move the plastic things- beit the fish, or the basketball- whatever the toy was.
What is gross is to think of the children who drank this water after it had sat in the game for months on end.

fantasy football

For those that care and/or participate in fantasy football, I am currently in 3 leagues this season-

In one head-2-head (H2H) league I am currently residing in the 9th place out of 12 with a 2-3 record. Awful. I have only myself to blame for this as I did not stick to my plan like I did my other two teams below.

The next H2H league I am holding my own as the only undefeated team out of ten!

The last league is a points-based system and I am in 2nd place (out of 9 teams) with the top spot just a scant 44.66 points ahead of me.

Last season I won one of the two leagues I was in. This was a points-based league and I won it by a mere 1.72 points (2802.04 to 2800.32).
I also checked the archives and discovered that I won 3rd place with a pathetic 6-7 record. How is it a sub-.500 team wins 3rd place (H2H league out of 12 teams)? Speechless.

beginning monday-

I am going to start posting things from the past beginning in the decade I was born- the 70's. Yes, I was born in 1970, so I will try & lighten up the atmosphere around this blog with things that bring a smile to my face when I think about stuff from way back when, so stay tuned...
From November 23, 1970-

I haven't a clue as to what I am doing...

So, here we are again. Another Friday night... home... and nothing to do. There are very few people who actually read this, so I will just post what has been going on with me.

Where work is concerned: Wednesday I put in 12 hrs and Thursday I woke up at 4am. Not quite sure why. I went in and stayed until 2:15am Friday. I completely forgot I had to get gas, so that made going home a longer trek. I did find gas for $2.03 at an Exxon. I did not go my usual route, so I did not see what Race Track was charging, for those who get their petrol there. I did pass a 7-11 (allegedly the only one in the world with a drive-thru) on Preston on my way home and saw they had their gas for $1.99, so Race Track would probably be less expensive as they usually are the bargain around town. I did not see what the QT across the street from 7-11 had since I was in utter disbelief at how dirt-cheap their gas is. I got about 3 hrs of sleep this morning and was back at the old grind at 7:30am. I only worked until 4 today as I did what I had to do- such is the life of Tab. A lot of peeps can't believe my dedication and work ethic to the point where I get made fun of, but as soon as I turn it around and let them know if I worked for them that I would be just as dedicated and it is at that point they realize how nice that would be to have someone like me working for them.
I have not had a chance to workout this week and I am not happy about that at all. It is a source of my stress release. It is a source of me feeling good about myself physically. I am going to workout tomorrow morning so I can get some kind of physical activity in to be somewhat productive. I think that since I have not worked out this week, it has allowed me to become a bit bummed out as it gives my mind a chance to wonder & dwell on things...

I am not sure what all is going on as I am as naive as the dodo bird. I don't know what I am doing here. I am still going to church and actually went to Eucharistic Adoration and found that to be quite soothing & therapeutic to my soul. It gave me a sense of peace & balance & I am so thankful of Patty (my friend Emily's mom) of inviting me to go.
I believe a great deal of what I am negatively focusing on is the relentlessness of my impending birthday coming up. For those of you who know me, but may not be aware, I am going to turn 36 soon. I am not thrilled about this reality of being four short years away from turning 40. In fact, I am dreading it. Time is a ruthless bastard. I know there are a great many people out there in the world who have it much worse than I do, but right now what I am dealing with is important to me and I just do not know how to handle things.
The older I get, the more aware I become that I do not have it all together as I once believed. I know for a fact that there are people in my life to whom I am an embarrassment because I am not a successful businessman, because I do not have a job one can brag about, because I do not have a salary to boast of/bank account to discuss, nor a car to show off that screams "I am one of society's elite!" or a home to invite cliques to. Add to that the fact I do not have a girlfriend or wife in my life makes me less than proud of in certain people's eyes. My dreams of having a wife & family is just that- a dream. It is a fantasy. At one time in my life it was crystal-clear to see such a probability. But now it is slowly getting less clear as though a fog is creeping up on that desire and enveloping it making it more difficult to see. It could be that the more I yearn for that lifestyle, the more frustrated I become with myself for not being where I thought I would be at this point in my life. Why cannot I have that? Why does it seem to come so easy for the majority of people I see, yet it is something I am not supposed to have? Why do I feel like I am not allowed to have that life right now? When will I come into it, if ever? What is my destiny? There has to be a reason why I am sans wife and child.
There have been people who have reached out to me, but I have come up with excuses as to why I feel I am not deserving and they are the same excuses that I know why others are ashamed of me. Funny how I just realized that as I was typing out that sentence. I have also just acknowledged there is a conflict within that I am in constant battle with and that is I want to be married and have at least one child and I know I have so much to bring to a relationship- monogamy, honesty, trust, communication, respect, love, passion, patience, understanding, fun. But, then I negate all those wonderful qualities with the things that are held against me by others, so I in turn hold them against myself and make them public knowledge. For example, "thanks for thinking of me for your friend, but I only make $25k/yr before taxes, so I know I cannot support a relationship let alone provide for a wife & child. I'll never own a home either since I make jack-squat even though I love what I do for a living. I would hate for things to not work out, me end up being a disappointment to your friend and her question why you would have thought I would actually be good for her." I just thought that even though I would be able to give my child all the love in my heart, I just know I could not provide a life for them that I would prefer to, so it may be a good thing so they do not grow up poor & miserable.
Poor people like me do not get out much. Part of the reason is we just cannot afford it. But the part I focus on is the genuine reality of it- I cannot mislead a woman into thinking I go out a lot, so I do not want to waste her time. I mean, what if some woman were to approach me (I know, it's funny cos it's not true & never happens to me. It's obviously a hypothetical situation) and actually be attracted to me, but then realized the reason we only go out once/mo is due to my humble income. I would feel that she would regret meeting me since I cannot afford to treat her to fun evenings out on the town and then feel obligated to be with me since I am nice, but boring. And then, she might be thinking of the future and see that with a guy like me there is no future- no home, no retirement, no security to speak of. Besides, I am tired of being a disappointment to potential dates. They never go anywhere, so why even attempt it anymore? I have such a low self-esteem of myself right now that it is not even remotely funny, but instead it is quite sad.
I am just so thankful for the friends in my life who have put up with me over the years as I know it is not easy being my friend. I know I have things about me that are just difficult to figure out, a lot to tolerate and absorb. When I am with my friends I am a very happy person, but I do know I can be loud & outspoken, so I know that I not only have to work on the volume of my voice, but think before I speak. I know I have to work on lightening up, not being so literal about things and just letting things go. I have to work on being not only a better man, but a better friend, too. I mean, I am always there for my friends, but perhaps I need to be more aware of what's going on in their lives, keeping in touch better; i.e., be more appreciative of them and not take for granted they will always be there.
Perhaps the quality of my life would be better if I was as dedicated to it and confident in it as I am with my job. The truth is, it is safer to hide behind this monitor and not allow myself to get hurt/be a disappointment to anyone by putting up these walls of protection and solitude.

what's x-radiation?

Ok, so I did it... I have decided to do the unthinkable...


The wires in the pic below should be red, but instead this looks like the distributor cap under the hood of some damn car. I have no idea how/why that is so filthy. It has never been in the home of a smoker (my ex-wife smoked outside). Pretty damn gross.


The pic below states things about avoiding possible exposure to x-radiation and take x-radiation protective measures for personnel during service. Around the metal frame is this tube that seems to be insulated. Maybe this is some kind of shielding?


The bedroom TV relocated in the living room. The deceased's shell for comparison...



The tube on my "love" seat (which is going bye-bye soon, too). It may be difficult to see, but the tube is really sunk down in it. It's damn heavy...



Here's that metal frame. If you can see at the bottom is one of those black tubes. It's solid and does seem to have some kind of insulation...


My hands were so dirty, it looked like I'd been working on my truck or in a mine. I had no idea how dusty TVs get inside.I wish I had a gun. It would be cool to shoot this thing up.

whoopidy-dooo!!!

Those few readers who know me know I am not a big drinker. While getting some groceries tonight, I ventured down the beer aisle. At first I thought I would get a bottle of pinot noir, but the more I looked at the wine, the more I could sense something behind me... something beckoning me... something... willing me to come... closer to it... to seek it out... and take it home...

I have just finished my 2nd one of 6 longnecks. The other 4 have been spared, for now. I have a nice little buzz going, and with that I bid y'all farewell. Anyone who knows me understands my fondness for Crown Royal Special Reserve, but since that is expensive (let's face it- I do have to get up & workout tomorrow in addition to working) and would have required a 2nd trip out of my way, I figured that good ol'Bud would be a nice, inexpensive substitute. Cheers, beee-yotches!

That's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh, I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh...

flabbergasted

I have noticed a sour trend in my posts lately. For shame. Where's the fun? Where's the humor? Outside of the great vacation, nothing to really speak of this past summer (that I can remember right now, but I am sure there are other things). I had taken a nose-dive as far as me being positive about things, but things don't always turn out the way we'd hoped and there is always a reason for this although we don't necessarily see it that way immediately. We usually see it as a pisser and that led me to having a negative view on myself for a week or so. It's just part of my process of how I deal with rejection. I begin to really magnify, no- amplify why I probably strike out so often with women. I rip on myself up one side & down another & really put myself down. I retreat within myself and put up walls to distance myself & scurry back to my home where it is safe, no one can hurt me, and I can't make myself vulnerable.
What sucks is as often as I do strike out- it never stops feeling bad. One may think that if it happens so often I should be used to it. I'd like to get used to it, blow it off (i.e., not dwell on it), but I take it personal each & every time cos of the simple fact it does happen all the time, so there has to be something(s) about me that repels women, but I am hopeful that some woman will find me adorable enough to take a chance and get to know me.
I guess I want a relationship that is looked at as a weakness in a man- being in love. Seems like women in general are becoming less sweet and more cynical, dream less of romance and more of materialistic items, and are more angry about things. Some seem to go overboard with a lot of things, but this is just all from my point of view & me talking out of my ass.

not a good outlook for me, even worse if i have a child

The story is here.

Older fathers are more likely than younger fathers to have autistic children, experts have warned. Children born to fathers over 40 are said to be around six times more likely to suffer from autism compared to those born to dads under 30. However, the researchers who looked at 132,271 children born in Israel during the 1980s found no link between a mother's age and autism.

For a father aged 15 to 29 when a child was born, the risk of autism was said to be six in every 10,000 children.

This rose to nine in 10,000 children if the father was aged 30 to 39 and 32 in 10,000 for fathers aged 40 to 49.

Dr Abraham Reichenberg, from the the Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York, said: "This research adds to our knowledge that men also have a biological clock when it comes to reproducing.

"The sample size for the over-50s was small so we added it to the results for fathers aged over 40, but our research suggests that very old fathers have around nine times the risk."

Children and people with autism disorders often display problems with language and social interaction, and show repetitive patterns of behaviour.

Experts believe autism is becoming more common, affecting 50 in every 10,000 children compared with five in 10,000 20 years ago.

Better diagnosis has contributed to the rise but experts also believe there may be more cases.

Wonderful. Yet another strike against me.

it's 56 degrees & something else

in Amarillo. So close. Ok, so not really close at all, but at least is it a sign of things to come. I am not as optimistic as some in thinking that we have turned the corner to cooler temperatures. I recall several Septembers that have been unseasonably hot. I'll believe it when I feel it.

On another note- ever since Saturday afternoon I have been taking care of Dad & Nancy's dogs. During the week it means I wake up at 4am to get my workout in, make sure the pups have plenty of time to get out, play, stretch their muscles, get outside, etc... It's just 5 days I have to adjust my schedule to make sure that others are taken care of, looked after, and happy. It's a small sacrifice to make when you look at the big picture- it's for my family there are 365 days in a year. When you consider those two factors- it's not a second thought in my mind. Heck, it never is a second thought to begin with. When I am asked, I always say 'yes' without hesitation as I know it puts their minds at ease knowing I am looking after their house and their dogs, and it saves them money. It also eases the stress on the dogs as they are not taken out of their comfort zone. They like staying at home.

All I am saying is this- if someone asks you to do something that might cause a slight adjustment in your daily routine, and it will not conflict with plans you absolutely cannot break (i.e., as in the middle of a workday & you simply cannot do it, a doctor's appointment- something along those lines), then that is understandable. It will make their day and it might just make you feel good about yourself in helping out a friend or family.

100 degree heat

It has been 17 consecutive days we have hit, or exceeded, 100 degrees.
We have also notched 40 days this year @ 100, or above.
Nice. Whatever. This sucks.

We need this man-

Only he can save us from the sun. He did it once before in Springfield and maybe he can do it again here in Dallas. My reason? It has been 100, or higher, 14 out of 15 days in August. And 8 days in a row of 100+ heat and the next 7 days show 100 & higher. Now, that one day may have been 98 or 99, but when it gets over 95, does it really matter? No. It might as well be 100+, especially when one figures in the humidity. And, it's supposed to be 106 today & maybe tomorrow. Are you kidding me? This really cannot be happening, can it? I expect this crap in Nevada or Arizona, but not here. I guess it is too much to ask for cloudy skies and wet weather. All I know is we better have one nasty winter (per my previous post) or else there's pretty much nothing we can do about it. Well, that is except suffer.